Everyday Challenges Solved with 5 Quick Questions

August 23, 2016 by

take5

 

When it comes to dealing with life’s challenges, it’s easy to either get overwhelmed and jump the gun, or procrastinate and hope for the best. This is especially true if it’s a new situation that doesn’t seem to have an easy, cookie cutter answer. We want to use our instincts and move through life’s entanglements with ease, but instead end up mired or stuck at some half-way point as the problem lingers, causing further stress.

Let’s face it, on a daily basis we are barraged with choices. In today’s world especially, too many choices becomes part of the problem. In the last week I found this approach to be very helpful with a professional challenge (low summer enrollment), as well as in my home life (summer mom stuff with teens—need I say more?). It is versatile and anyone can do it.

First, put into one sentence the scenario you are struggling with. Once you have something tangible in mind, make it as concrete as possible.

Then ask these five simple questions:

  1. What is the best possible outcome?
  2. What is the worst possible outcome?
  3. What is the most likely outcome?
  4. Keeping #3 in mind, what is a reasonable step-by-step plan *you can do going forward?
  5. Once you begin the plan, what are the lessons learned for future, similar situations?

*Note, I italicized you can do in #4 because Take 5 only works if you take on the responsibility and action and not put it on someone else to solve.

What is especially fruitful about this sequence of questions is it can be applied to almost any problem. And this approach keeps us in a more neutral zone, away from over reaction and made up stories that we find ourselves imagining at 3am, when the reptilian brain is most active, resulting in distorted, worst case scenario thinking.

I also like this because it isn’t overly Pollyanna, yet allows room for positive thinking while also focusing on what’s most likely going to happen. This 5 step Q&A taps into our gut and gets us into a problem-solving mode quickly. Try it out yourself and see let me know if it works for you: julia@personalmasterycoaching.com

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“Do the Opposite and See How That Feels…”

April 8, 2016 by

10448789-Dance-action-in-a-disco-club-group-of-friends-men-and-women-of-different-ethnicity-dancing-to-the-mu-Stock-Photo

I was in a class recently called “Happy Yoga” and before getting on our mats for poses, the instructor had us dancing and holding up our arms to the song “I’m So Excited” by The Pointer Sisters. Not you’re average yoga, I know, and it turns out that song was the five-minute version… at a midway point my arms were tingling and aching for a break. I know I wasn’t alone. It was then when the instructor said something important:

“If you are used to quitting, hold on. If you never give yourself a break, take one.  The point is, change your normal pattern and do the opposite and see how that feels.”

Wow, that hit home for me. We often go on autopilot when it comes to our natural inclination to push or to quit. I think most of us are decidedly in one camp or the other.   It has to do with the challenge at hand, our self-efficacy and the wisdom to know which goals are worth accomplishing and which ones aren’t.

True, finishing this disco song with my arms above my head wasn’t even a goal I knew I had before the class, but it did awaken in me my self dialogue about how I push myself, even when the stakes are low. I believe there is power in changing certain patterns, especially ones that get in our way. Learning to adopt a more intentional approach, one that offers more choice and less stress is my takeaway from the class. I’m definitely a work in progress, shifting away from taskmaster to a kinder, gentler inner voice.

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Filed Under: determination, Life Balance, Time Management Tagged With: , , , ,

A Metaphor for Living Large: Setting the Bar/Barre

January 13, 2016 by

barresoul-196_23In the spirit of the New Year and thinking novelty + fitness, I took my first Barre class today. It was a blast. Lots of core, balance and elegance in the way the class was taught. I didn’t look great doing many of the poses and exercises, but it was a great workout and I will be back next week. I have only taken one other “ballet” class in my life and that was over 50 years ago and remains one of my earliest childhood memories.

Get this: I was four years old and finally convinced my mom to let me try ballet. In my first class I recall looking around at all my peers, you know, three and four year olds, deciding then and there that I was already too old to become a prima ballerina. It seemed all the other girls were much better than me, so in my little mind that meant I couldn’t possibly catch up. I told my mom I didn’t like the class, but deep down I felt too old to start something as serious as ballet! I laugh now, but truth be told, I have felt this “too old” feeling at various times in my life.

Have you ever had this tape or another “too this or too that”? My version has to do with age and experience. Now that I am in my mid-fifties, this tape has the power to become an even stronger voice if I let it. Instead, I am embracing the approach of engaging in novel experiences with a “Beginner’s Mind.” It takes letting go of old stories and opening up to new and different opportunities. January seems like as good a time as any to embrace this more conscious mindset.

Part of the challenge is being open to invitations that take you out of your comfort zone. For me, it’s about being open for more spontaneity while also planning ahead and calendaring in new activities, like the Barre class. I call it my Both/And Approach. Taking the black and white out of the story allows for a whole lot more fun and lightness.

It’s early in the year to give much of a report, but I will say in the last few weeks I have kayaked the caves of La Jolla, stood on an ocean pier to watch the King Tides show their majestic power with 10 foot waves crashing around us and taken a half day off to go play in snow at the mountains —Trust me, snow is a novelty for Southern California and if you miss it, it’s melted and gone. That’s how opportunities are at four or fifty four—you have to take advantage or lose out.

Filed Under: Beginner's mind, Fourishing, Goal setting, Life Balance, Self-Care Tagged With: , , , , , ,

A Sign of the Times

January 12, 2016 by

734650_10151430864545795_1701895666_nDriving to a meeting today I was struck by a hand made sign on the road that simply said “Spend Your Time Collecting Memories.”

This sign reminded me of a new habit I am working on establishing called “The Five Moment Memoir.” I saw it in a magazine some time ago, which was the brainchild of (then) unemployed freelance writer Sarah Beauchamp. I loved the idea, clipped it to save, and recently found it in my file so decided to make this a part of my journaling.

Here’s how it works: Instead of writing down five things you are grateful for (which I have done on and off for years), you write snapshots from your day. Simply think of five things that have happened in the last 24 hours—the highlights and the lowlights. The idea is not to sugarcoat, but to identify key moments to recall that represent “A day in the life of…you.”

I love this approach because I tend to not repeat myself as I often do in my gratitude journal (My family, clean sheets, the Great Outdoors, and yummy meals often make that list.) With this Five Moment Memoir I etch in my brain the day, defining for myself what five things make the cut, often savoring something I especially enjoyed.

It’s also good for me because it delineates the day and is really helpful because when I re-read these pages, I can recall with detail these experiences. I highly recommend if you have hit the stage in life (like me) when things start to merge together, i.e., “What film was it we liked so much last month, with that talented actress–you know her name?” An awesome film would make my list and when I write it down and then have it to refer to, it gets to another level of my brain and I seem to remember everyday life better.

This only-takes-a-few-moments-to-do daily memoir can also be therapeutic, as you decompress, ruminate, or appreciate something special. After all, life is rarely neutral, so your subjectivity will show up on these pages and that’s a good thing!

Filed Under: Fourishing, Gratitude, habits Tagged With: , , , ,

From Time Scarcity to Time Abundance

June 1, 2015 by

medium_284995199-630x315“The Days are long, but the years are short” ~ Gretchen Rubin

As a coach working with clients who are in major life transitions like retirement, time is often a big part of what makes us feel anxious. It boils down to the perception of time: going from structure in the known world, deadlines, etc. (scarcity), to less structure, more leisure and breaks for the unknown (abundance.) With most of us, it sounds better than it is. With work, it feels like our time is accounted for, when we are on the clock, so to speak. This is true for entrepreneurs as much as it is for those who punch in because we are accountable to someone or something when it comes to our working life. As we shift away from the rigors of a career to become more in charge of our days, a new pressure emerges as we consider how to make this precious time count.

So, existentially, when every day becomes a Saturday, it can be daunting. Ask anyone who has gone through this reckoning and you’ll hear why it can be so hard to reconcile. It has to do with missing routine and social interaction, as well as a sense of purpose and even a loss of identity. Imagine that, all from a job and the time it took to show up and get the work done…

The trick to this whole conundrum is replacement and practice. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Retirement Planning, Time abundance, Time Management Tagged With: , , , , ,

Outliers in an Age of Technology

January 27, 2015 by

“In an age of speed, I begin to think, nothing could be more invigorating than going slow.  In an age of distraction, nothing could feel more luxurious than paying attention.  And in an age of constant movement, nothing is more urgent than sitting still.” ~ Pico Iyer

slowdownThis morning I listened to a new song on the radio about being still in the company of another person.   There was a break in the song, lasting only a second or so, but definitely “radio silence” and I thought it was over, then the song resumed and it made me think what a creative choice the musician made by inserting stillness into his music.

How often do any of us get still these days in the age of an over-stimulated society, where technology often trumps eye contact and conversation? It’s something I hear more about these days as I notice the frequency of Smart phones and other devices taking up our attention. I have a pet peeve about going to restaurants and observing groups together for a meal, yet each is otherwise engaged on their cell phone texting, checking social media or news, and generally being somewhere else but with each other.

There is a balance and I keep hoping it will one day be considered somewhat impolite to bring out a phone in the company of others. Right now, the pendulum is so far over in the other direction, yet I see signs that it is possible to shift culturally. We have to be the change we want to see, as wisdom tells us. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Outliers and Technology Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Vision Boards are a Mirror to What’s Next

November 28, 2014 by

7973761_f520“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”   ~The Summer Day, by Mary Oliver

It’s December and ‘tis the season…to set intentions and envision your wild and precious year ahead with a vision board. There is power to it. I know first hand when I look at previous boards and see what has become: My first trip to Africa, hatching a new career, getting fit with a boot camp workout, finding joy on an electric bike, watching dawn break more often; breathing more life into life.

This annual ritual begins in December when I start collecting images and words that speak to me. I get a file folder and keep it handy so anytime I see a quote, an image or something that feels like it could be part of my future, it goes in one place for safe keeping. I collect magazines, quotes from books, old calendars, cool paper and even shells or artful stickers—anything that helps tell my unfolding story.

Think about areas in your life that you may want to focus on more in 2015: health, fitness, personal relationships, your children, career, finances, school, travel, leisure time, the arts, a hobby, volunteer opportunities, a spiritual quest, or perhaps something on that bucket list? The list is endless. [Read more…]

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Benjamin Franklin and Creating New Habits

October 28, 2014 by

 “Never leave till tomorrow that whichben_franklin you can do today”

~ Benjamin Franklin

I read this great book on positive psychology applied to daily life called, “Creating Your Best Life.“ At the end of this hands-on book there are several worksheets that I now use in my coaching practice, including “’Ben’ There, Done That.”

Benjamin Franklin was an inventor among the many roles he took up in his monumental life. He applied this creative mindset to his own re-invention, one habit or change at a time. He saw these self-improvement goals as character builders and looked through the lens of virtues to identify and focus on one major change at a time.   Journaling is how he kept track of his progress, marking an X each day he was able to use the self-control needed to meet his specific goal.

Ben never added a new goal until he was satisfied that he had conquered the previous one. This enabled him to focus on one thing at a time, adding more potency to his intention. Each goal took some time, but back then life wasn’t so rushed and I venture to guess that there was more wisdom around the adage, “slow and steady wins the race.”

Ponder for a moment the idea of New Year’s Resolutions. Why are most of these new best practices so often abandoned by month’s end? My suspicion is we resolve to change too much or make our resolutions so lofty that they become difficult to sustain. It’s also possible that we don’t put enough thought into what’s driving the goal and the long-term benefits we will enjoy if we keep at it. [Read more…]

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